Stephies Poems

Too Much Nothing The Shadowman The One
Untitled They Autumn
Garnet A Summery Deep Anger
Excuses Niasen Iexvana Return To Basics


I glare at those in the "Christmas spirit", loathe their carefree minds.
Christmas gifts, decorations, food.
Is this really what 'normal' people look forward to?

Because for me, that is not the case.
These are my excuses
That is what they are.

I have a daily battle with life...yes its true.
Scared to lose those close to me
Hiding in the shadow of a lie.
The smile.

Because im not happy. No im not.
Doubt i will ever be.
For i crave that wooden box
Six feet under, i hope.

Nobody has to feel what i feel.
This is my excuse.
One of many

For i only wish to be with him.
Anyone else: A mindless crush
Yes they are...
...I know that now.

But is it too late?
Has the damage been done?
No, you silly person, not to my love,
But to myself...
Have i now become so insecure i must cling dangerously close to them?

God, how i wish i didnt feel...
This is my excuse.
My excuse for being a coward. A liar. Alone.

My next excuse?
Never letting anyone close will stop what happened to me from happening again...

And though i swear blind im not sorry for it...
That i dont crave affection
They can feel the pain of my loney heart

And im NOT perfect...
But noone said i was...?
Maybe im starting to crack up...

Everyday seems darker, colder, blacker...
Im losing my grip...
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide.

...Im begging you....
...Make it stop.